change

spring is a season of change, and i feel that jacob and i are swept up in that feeling right now. the feeling that things aren't the same and won't be same and that life is always shifting. we have a lot of ideas and options and some might say talents(ahem, jacobs music...)

we've been reading lots of books about farming and we've done a lot of cooking and wandering and picture taking.

its been a good time but i think i'm feeling confused because i thought that if we took this year and explored options and attempted new things that when the time came we'd have an answer, a direction. and while we still have time for that to fall from the sky it's looking like that's not going to be the case. that we're once again going to have to make a choice based not on certainty but on chance. that we're going to risk again and hope that the things that are most important fall into place. but knowing us and knowing me, we're not going to be staying where we are, though its good and i'll miss it. and we probably won't choose a place that makes everyone happy or that makes us not miss any of our other options. we're definitely going to gain certain things but we'll lose certain thing as well. and that's the rub.

it will mean that we are following a path and a goal that is important to us and not muddling around wishing we could have it all. because you can't and you won't and you definitely won't be happy if you try to have it all. i think that we will find something good though and i can't wait to see how our life develops.